The Real Game

I was scrolling through Instagram when I came across this clip:

For those who don’t know Lavar Ball, he is a Social Media/TV personality and businessman who is best known for developing and promoting his sons’ basketball careers.

In this video he talked about the odds of a player becoming a star in the NBA and there was one line that stuck with me, that went:

“The fact I wasn’t all that, allows me the time to spend with my boys,
so they can be all that.”

As a father of sons, that hit me. Not just because of what he was saying but because it spoke to something I hadn’t fully put into words around my own journey.

See I grew up playing sports and, like many, wondered what it would be like to go pro. Long story short, I didn’t make it that far but sports consumed a huge part of my life, leaving me wondering: what did I really gain from all that time and effort? Looking back, I now see how valuable that part of my life was.

A big lesson I learned was: you can’t just want something, you have to be obsessed. And that’s a big reason why I didn’t make it.

Why I Never Fully Chased It

For some, falling short of the professional level feels like a gut punch. For me, it was more complicated. Yes, there were moments I questioned if I should be trying harder but I knew early that I never wanted to.

I remember my first representative experience and I got to tour with a few players who to their credit made it to the next level. I remember us having a conversation around what we wanted to do as a career and they all spoke passionately about making it professionally where I said I just want to make a lot of money. I knew then and there that I was on a different path. Like sure you could make a lot of money as a professional but I knew I wasn’t trying to do both.

On top of that, I always carried an underlying anxiety about playing. As a kid, I wasn’t the biggest, so I was scared of getting hurt. Eventually that led to being scared of messing up, scared of not being good enough, scared of being judged etc. Even as I got older and more confident, the fear never fully disappeared. There was always something lingering: the fear of getting injured, the pressure to perform or the weight of expectation.

I did love the playing part. Implementing things you worked on during training, being in the trenches with others and competing against other people but being a professional is more then that, it’s a lifestyle and I never had any desire for that life.

Also, saying the quiet part our loud: I wasn’t naturally gifted. I wasn’t tall, fast or very strong, so it was very obvious that If I was to even have a chance I would need to put in more work. Having extreme work ethic is a genuine separator which I saw in those who ended up going professional and I figured to be that committed you have to be obsessed where there is no other acceptable pathway.

Redefining Success

I continued playing albeit at a grass roots level. I let the game become something I enjoyed, rather than something I needed to excel at. But now as a father, I see a whole new meaning in my experience.

Not making it professionally may have closed a path but it opened a new one. Instead of spending my time trying to chase a dream I didn’t want, I’ve been given the chance to be there for my boys as they step into their own journeys.

I don’t have to be the guy wondering. I get to be the guy who can be there to help them chase their dreams. I have the time, energy and experience to support them. Not from a place of unfinished business but from a place of clarity.

Helping My Boys Understand What It Takes

If my boys want to pursue sports, I’ll be there to help them but I won’t sugarcoat the reality of what it takes. Talent isn’t enough. Even if you are fortunate to be born with the physical advantages, you still have to have unmatched work ethic.

I can see how easy it is for parents to push their kids in sports, especially if they had their own dreams or opportunity to make it. When you’ve lived it or been close enough to have seen what it takes, it’s natural to want to guide your kids in a way that gives them a better shot.

And maybe, subconsciously, that’s driving me too. The desire to see them succeed where I didn’t. However, I don’t think anything’s possible without the person, in this case, my children wanting it. That’s why I think it will be whole a lot easier (and certainty more fun for them) to allow them to explore and to take something more serious, if there’s something that calls them.

The Real Game (And The Bigger Win)

The journey I see for me is to be a dad who shows up, listens and helps them navigate, whether that’s in sports or something entirely different.

At one point, I thought success was making it. Now, I see success as being able to do what I desire for as long as I can. Big part of that is raising boys who are confident in who they are, whether that’s on the field or off it.

Not making it or not being ‘all that’ has more advantages than I realised. The failures, pain, and missed opportunities only shine a light on the path one needs to take if they want to go far. As a father, I can walk alongside my boys, supporting them in whatever way they need.

My biggest known achievement may not come from a game winning shot or a championship ring but if all my boys know and appreciate that I tried to create the conditions for them to achieve their aspirations, then for me that’s a life well lived.